Life Lately

Long time,I have not come to my blog.I was so busy with....well,I cant really remember what it was I was so busy with.But all the same I can convince myself I was busy.

So,after my last post I have shifted to Bangalore,to be more precise,IISc.

Well,I know what you all will say. Wow! That's great.That is a very good place.

Yeah,good. Very good indeed.With respect to the scenic beauty.We almost live in a carefully maintained jungle except that there are no fearsome animals(I have not included humans still).There are beautiful walking paths in the midst of trees and that looks romantic.Well,it just looks.Once,in my second day in IISc,being naive,I went into such a place with a story book planning to have a great afternoon reading 'Brida' under a big tree in that exotic silence.I didn't know ants ,bugs and mosquitoes can make even your most serious resolve die,within minutes.

Hostel life here in general is not life exactly.You can well live in a room without ever knowing the name of the persons occupying the adjacent ones even in 10 years.But one great thing,I have got single room.Damn good it feels after spending 3 years in 6*8 ft space with a roommate.I must not omit the IISc mess.For a hostel life,it is astoundingly good.I bet we have the best mess in the country!Well,sometimes some dishes are neither discernible nor edible.Otherwise its good!

Students here are....well,you know what type of people can be tagged as brainy students.Ruthlessly competitive,snob and pathetically studious. Some exceptions always exist.And as always they are very few.

Work pressure.I came to know the real meaning of the word only after I came here.So so many never ending streams of assignments, occasionally the question paper alone is 4 sheet long,every week vivas,mid terms,end terms...in average we have to stay awake up to 2.30 a.m. Once it went up to 4.00;when I was returning from department to hostel,I heard birds were twittering,they welcoming dawn,me cursing assignments.

I like the professors.All are greatly qualified and teaching is quite good.(Hell,stop being unnecessary critical.)actually some have real command on subjects and they teach way too good.

Will you believe?I have not bunked a class in the entire sem unless it was just urgent!

Being one from presidency,I think I should get a award for that.

Gymkhana.The library is not big...something is better than nothing.We have excellent playgrounds,virtually from everything.And aerobics. Pretty cool,huh?

I don't have friends here.I can give 101 reasons why nobody qualified as my friend.But deep down I know the actual reason.I didn't want to make any.I dont exactly know why I have chose to do this,but I have.Maybe some friends won't be bad but then again I am in no mood to start all over again.

I love the study part.Yeah still.Otherwise I don't think life is good now.Everything being STD away and....

Sometimes I am too angry with everything.EVERYTHING.

Probably I need to just be away from my life for some time.Like a year.I have fantasized about it for a long time.Obviously as with all our fantasies,I don't think it has any chance to be true.Sometimes the sole happiness i can find in weeks is that I have solved some problems of my assignments.I am hearing this coming semester is toughest to survive.That's good for me.Excessive demands from study occupies the whole of me,leaving no time to be sad or otherwise.

So that is how I am these days.Time to sign off buddies(Donno if you are!)

I will be back whenever my time,health and mood permits.And I hope that comes soon.Till then bye!

Regarding Living and Leaving

Suddenly at this ungodly hours of midnight,I am writing my another blog after a long time. Yeah, long time have passed since I started to see the world, in awe, in horror, in surprise...... After spending 18 years in home and then 3 years in a not so far metro in a hostel,I am leaving. Leaving for a long time . Another city, another institution, new teachers and probably some new friends. Yeah, probably new friends. I am not sure I want to mix with people any more.Some how, I am liking isolation. What do you think the goal of your whole life? Working without thought or satisfaction? Relating with mindless people mindlessly? Is it all about continuously staging a performance of living? Is it just waving the uncomfortable thought that you want happiness which your present condition cannot afford?Is it a constant compromise with your deepest desires and fooling yourself that what you have is what you want?Is it about not even giving a effort to know and find what you want lest you lose the feeling which you consider as security? You do it. You do it all.Almost everybody do it all. And it's scarring that they don't even know that they are doing these. Once a person has clarified these feelings, he has two choices left.To live how he used to,saying goodbye to existence forever or to risk his all and everything. That is not an easy choice. Personally I think I am an escapist in case of dealing with the world.I cant bring a revolution.I cant be the change of society.Nor do I want to be.I don't think for poor, nor I love mankind in general. Sometimes even I don't want to be happy myself.That is suicidal. I want only one thing. The rarest. The feeling of wanting happiness. The feeling of being happily alive. The conscious joy. And that needs to make peace with one's own self.I am trying to do that.I will try it. And i will achieve. "When you pray to God for patience,does He give you patience or does He give you the opportunity to be patient? When you pray to God for courage,does He give you courage or He gives you the opportunity to be be courageous? When you pray to be your family closer,does He fill you with warm fuzzy feelings or does He give you the opportunity to be together?" No, I don't believe in God.But I do believe if you truly want something, you will get that.I wanted answers to questions of my life,my soul,my love, my living. This going far from all that is dear and near to me.....is a true sorrow.It hurts. It will hurt. But I hope the sea I sail will bring me to the horizon where there is still the first dawn of this earth.

They say live, as it is yours last day........
Is it anyway really possible? I guess no...most of the people live ahead of their life...just anticipating how better it would be if only ....... and an endless list of those 'if only's. Perhaps the greatest lesson man learns is this, live this and only this day..its just so hard to make it materialize...

Its like running through a mist..a dense fog that don't allow you to even know where your destination is.Sunny bright days are so rare...

Most persons exist, that's all. Living itself is a startling thing.....I have not experienced it at great length for sure...
But just wasting life running or thinking the 'would be' s is not worth it.

So, lets start living then!!!

Let it be a Fairy Tale!

Love me tender,
Love me fierce.....
Love me as you please.



Be there in day n be there in dark
be it the sunset or sunrise...

I want to feel the sweetest breeze
through your loving whisper,
When I find you looking at me ...
that's the deepest ocean ever..





Just hold my hands in the stormy night,
be with me when I sail..
Just help me believe that dream life exists
Let it be a fairy tale!!